Beetling
by Nosferatu's Cigarette Binge
Summary: Rose feels under the weather so Ten decides that they should spend their day with her mum. Meanwhile, the Doctor has an intense craving for cakes.


**Disclaimer:** I claim absolutely no rights whatsoever to the characters in this story.

**A/N** This is based on a tune by Franz Ferdinand called _Jackie Jackson_. Please head on over to my profile for a link.

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~i~ The thing that gave that boy the greatest joy was eating far too many cakes ~i~

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"Rose?"

There was no answer.  
The Doctor, standing at the TARDIS console, called again, "Rose?" After being met with more silence, he ran to Ms. Tyler's bedroom. Once outside her door he cautiously knocked. "Everything OK in there?"

"Wh-what? Oh, Sorry... I must have dosed off again," he heard her mumble from inside.

"Are you not feeling well?"

"Um, I-I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine." The Doctor opened the door and found her laying in a foetal position with her hands over her stomach. "Oh, Rose," he sighed sympathetically.

"I'm fine!"

"No, you're not," The Doctor said, anxiously raking a hand through his hair. "You shouldn't fib. I'm going to find out what is wrong with you one way or another, but it will take more time than necessary to play 20 questions, so I suggest you tell me straight out what it is." The Doctor's words were rushed in a high-pitched tone, but the look in his eye was very serious.

"I've just a bit of cramp," Rose blurted out in order to quiet him.

"Cramp?" the Doctor repeated wearily. "From something you ate, s-straining yourself... or...or..."

"Or," Rose answered.

"Right," The Doctor said hurriedly, clearing his throat. "Well, I'll help you get better."

"How are you going to do that?" Rose asked as she watched him run off.

"AH! You'll see!" And with that he was gone.

Rose sighed as she laid back down. Five minutes later the Doctor re-entered her room, his hair standing on end, looking mental as he grasped the side of the door. "Come on, we're off to see your mum."

"Mum?!"

"Yep." The Doctor mirrored Rose's smile.

Rose stepped out of bed, and, from dizziness nearly lost her footing.  
"See, now, you are not in any state to get into life threatening situations. No Daleks. No Oods. No Cybermen. Not today, no sirree. You're going straight home and into bed," The Doctor tsk'd as he picked her up and carried her towards the TARDIS door.

"I don't see why I just can't stay here with you."

"There will be other times," the Doctor said very quietly before they exited the TARDIS.

Jackie stood in the middle of her living room as the TARDIS materialized yet again. "Never know when you might drop in. It's a good thing I wasn't having company over," Jackie razzed before the door fully opened. "Oh My God, what's happened Rose?!" she gasped, seeing Rose in the Doctor's arms.

"It's alright Mum, nothing's wrong. The Doctor is just making sure I don't hurt myself... Overreacting once again." She turned to the Doctor. "We girl's are made of sterner stuff."

"And don't I know it."

"What's happened this time?" Jackie asked. Rose leaned forward and whispered into her mother's ear.

"Oh, thank goodness, I thought it was something far worse due to the likes of him." Her eyes fixed hatefully on the Doctor before returning to Rose. "My poor luv. I have just the thing for you. Doctor, put Rose on the sofa, both of you sit down and watch some telly. I'll be just a mo."

'Right." The Doctor did as she said. "See, Mums always know what to do." He tapped his nose with the end of his finger. "Hey, what's this?" He nodded to the television program.

"Don't know."

"Hmm," the Doctor sighed, watching a group of people as they, at record speeds, filled shopping trolleys with groceries. A woman held up a tub of ice cream, and after a bit, smiled cheesily for the camera. "I could do with a bit of that," the Doctor murmured, his tone reeking of depravity.

"You mean the Ice Cream?" Rose asked, not entirely sure it wasn't the woman he was thinking of.

"Famished," he said, rubbing his stomach.

"Well, go see what mum has in the kitchen. She's not going to know you're hungry unless you tell her."

"Tell me what?" Jackie asked, catching the end of the sentence as she entered the room.

Seeing her vacate the kitchen, The Doctor leapt from the sofa and waltzed in behind her.

"What's he up to?" Jackie asked Rose, her eyes following his slinky walk to the ice box.

"Nothing. He's just hungry."

"Oh Lord." She rolled her eyes. "Here's some tea and a hot water bottle, darling," she said, handing both to Rose before stepping into the loo, only to re-emerge holding a bottle of pills. "Here, pop one of these and take it easy. I'll see what your Doctor is up to."

"Thanks Mum."

"I'm glad I'm still good for something," Jackie said, kissing Rose's forehead prior to entering the kitchen.

"Oi," Jackie yelled threateningly. The Doctor squawked and the sound of something crashing could be heard from somewhere in the kitchen. Moments later the Doctor scurried back to Rose carrying a small box of cakes, eating one as he made his way back to the sofa. "Horribly disorganized is your mother. These were the only edible things I could find before I got the old heave-ho."

"You're not going to eat all of those are you?"

"No, of course not." The doctor sat down, placed his feet on the end table and crossed them. "Here, take some." He handed her two, leaving him ten.

"Gee, thanks," Rose said with an air of sarcasm.

"Y'know... I think I could eat a thousand cakes... then I could eat a thousand more, because I love the taste of tasty cakes," said he, whilst admiring the rows of cakes housed within the cardboard box. He placed a cake in his mouth then looked to Rose as he chewed. "Oh I see you found a friend to watch telly with while I was gone." He tilted his head toward a teddy bear resting on her abdomen.

"It's a hot water bottle, this is just the cover."

"Really? Brilliant! Why haven't I gotten one of those yet?" Since poking the hot water bottle seemed inappropriate, his gaze returned to the telly. "A Hetty Wainthropp marathon?! I haven't seen that old bird in ages." He happily snuggled into the sofa, smiling as he clutched the cake box to his chest, readying himself for a sluggish afternoon.

"Doctor?"

"Mmm?" he turned, facing her with an air of cluelessness.

"I'm sorry about this."

"About what? Taking a rest? Rose Tyler," he smiled, mouthful of cake, "even you and I need a day off every once in a while. Think nothing of it. Besides, Cakes, Hetty... You... what more could I ask for?" He finished with a wide smile.

"A napkin?"

"Bah! Who needs napkins?"

Rose pressed her finger to the corner of his mouth and removed a drop of cream from the corner of his mouth as if her finger were a razor. "Who indeed?" She slyly placed the icing between her lips.

The Doctor raised another cake to his teeth and ate it with relish. "Mmm, this are really quite good. Do you think your mum would mind if I pinched a few more?"

Rose looked behind the Doctor to Jackie, who was busy with the laundry.

"Nah, I don't think so." She looked to the Doctor's now empty box, and kidded, "though at the rate you're going, you'll probably have to give her the money for another package."

"Shouldn't be that much though, right?"

"No..." Rose answered, taken aback, and watched as he left the sofa and marched into the kitchen.

She could hear Jackie's raised voice once again, but this time she turned the volume up to block the noise. The Doctor quickly re-entered the telly room and plopped down besides Rose, hard-won goods in tow.

Seconds after sitting down the Doctor jumped from the sofa to the door. "Where you off to now?" Rose yelled.

"I'll be back in a tick," he said stepping out, only to poke his head through the crack in the door and shout, "Keep tabs on Hetty for me." Rose looked confusedly to the televison and sighed.

"The man is bonkers," Jackie stated from the Kitchen.

~o~o~

Five minutes later

~o~o~

The Doctor stormed in the door with three boxes and many strands of beads around his neck. "Ah, knew that would happen," he said, gnawing on a piece of purple, yellow and green cake, eyes fixed on the tv.

"Where'd you get the beads?"

"What?" he looked to his chest. "Donno really. I just came back from New Orleans. Mardi Gras." He snapped his teeth.

"Mardi Gras?"

"Yesh, I fancied a king cake... "

"How'd you pay for it?"

"Hoho! Old Dominic Monaghan saves the day yet again!" He changed the subject.

"What's with you?"

"Oh, well you know how Vulcan's have to go through Pon Farr? Throw soup at walls, get all moody and stuff?"

"Yeah?"

"This is nothing like that."

"Oh..."

"Just really, really, really hungry," he answered, opening another box of cakes and sampling one.

~o~o~

7 minutes later

~o~o~

"Doctor, you had better stop eating. You're going to make yourself sick."

"Oh, I'm already well past that," he moaned, leaning back in the sofa, stuffing yet another cake between his lips. "My belly's overloaded,"

"Yeah, well, no wonder," Rose huffed, removing the hot water bottle from her belly and placing it on his. "Here, you need this more then I do."


End file.
